Compassionate Training And The Secret They Won’t Tell You About Bootcamp
“It’s funny. We put on a gruff exterior, and all of us can turn “it” on when we have to, but most of us are really CareBares on the inside. We want to help. We want to take care of people. That’s why we became officers in the first place.” - LtCol Casey Jackson, USMC
I have already talked about Compassion as a Core Value, but I think it is worth exploring in a different context as well. I’m a shockingly empathetic person. It is especially surprising to people given my background. I’m a Marine. I’m very proud to be one. But I have to dispel at least one misconception that seems to follow all of us around. Yes, some Marines yell. Some yell a lot. But a lot more of us really don’t, especially officers. It’s not really what we do. Outisde of specific “stress testing”, I’ve only had to raise my voice three times in 12 years, and they were all times when I was dealing with someone of the same rank. I’ve never yelled at a subordinate (I pull off “disappointed dad” much better anyways). I talk to my Marines like adults, and they tend to respond to that much better than some ill conceived attempt at belittling them.
I had one elderly client who had known me almost all my life. They were afraid to train with me at first because she thought I would be terrifying. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, in the words of one of my Officer Candidate School Sergeant Instructors 12 years ago, I was a “Goddamn Cheerleader”. It was a badge I wore with pride and didn’t care at all if it meant I got screamed at or smoked during OCS. I believe in positive encouragement and want anyone who works out with me to know how proud I am that they just put in the effort. I have clients that miss half the workouts I assign them, but they never give up. That’s what I care about, and every week I work out with them and give them a chance to reset and try again. Besides, even just two workouts a week is already doing wonders for them.
One of the more interesting things I’ve encountered while training people is the idea that getting yelled at, broken down, or otherwise made to feel bad about yourself is somehow part of a good training process. Personally, I blame the military (and, actually “The Biggest Loser”) for making people think that you get the best results through “boot camp” style, high pressure, and overly intense training. I want to let you in on a little secret. All that yelling, throwing things, and chaos really isn’t to make you fitter or even better at any particular skill. It’s to get you used to the chaos and interpersonal hate that naturally comes with warfare and teaches you how to keep your head and focus while the world feels like it is falling apart around you (unless someone in your platoon loses two rifles… those footlockers were thrown for a different reason, not that I know from experience).
In fact, when they want you to actually get good at something, those terrifying Drill Instructors turned into the most patient teachers I have ever seen. The same Drill Instructor that would find any excuse to scream at you in any other situation will patiently explain the method by which one Marine safely hands over a rifle to another seven times in a row without a hint of annoyance. Almost every recruit I’ve talked to has said that qualifying with their rifle on the range was the most relaxed part of boot camp. Why? Because it mattered. Because all that yelling doesn’t actually teach anything except how to deal with the yelling.
A calm, nurturing environment where people are encouraged to ask questions, be vulnerable, and receive compassionate help is where the vast majority of people learn best.